Mentalimages

I'm Pooped

2006-08-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

You're right. I should be updating more. I enjoyed it before, and I never make time for it now. It's not like I don't have the time. I sit and read other people's blogs, the gossip columns (gossip whore here!) and other tidbits every day.

I guess I just haven't had anything to write about. Which isn't really true (contradiction whore here!).

I suppose the big news is that I'm getting married. Again. I know. I'm just as nervous about it as you are.

We've only known each other for about a week. I saw him standing in front of the Circle K...

Seriously. You can't really believe that I've reverted back to being that stupid. Of course its the long lived Boyfriend. Same one I've had for about three years now. I think we're thinking of December, but I'll keep you posted. Honest.

Yeah, so there's that. And um...I finished school. That was a helluva waste of time. But I got the piece of paper and now I'm wondering how in the world I'm going to use my free time.

All in all, its been a good year so far. I've excelled at work, moved in with the boyfriend a few months ago, getting married, schools finished. But I still feel kind of blah. I think this heat and humidity is kicking my ass.

That's all folks.

Where the hell has everyone been??

2006-05-19T11:29:00.000-07:00

Wooohooo. Do you know that it's been so long that i forgot my password. Just stared blankly at the screen for a good 5 minutes before it dawned.

Anywho...

How's everyone been? Anything new? Anyone special in your life? Any bullets dodged?

I've been a whirlwind of apathy. I have't given a hoot about updating this thing. The flavor is gone, you know? The boat has sailed. The party's over. The analogies are worn out.

Did anyone else ever notice all the words that have "anal" in them? I'm just sayin'. It's more common than you think.

I've been well, over all. Busy. Wake up. Eat. Work. School. Drink beer. Sleep. Shake and repeat. But i've noticed a lot of people are in that pit of routine. No one seems like they're updating these days. Or they've all gone somewhere else and just didn't forward me the memo. Wouldn't be the first time.

I think from this point forward, i'm just gonna be like a fair-weathered aunt. I'll just kind of pop in now and then. Like herpes. Just often enough to remind you that you do in fact, have them.

Quizzin'

2006-03-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

My results in the color quiz:

http://www.colorquiz.com">%20border=0%20alt=ColorQuiz.com%20src="

Melissa%20took%20the%20free%20ColorQuiz.com%20personality%20test!

"Wants%20interesting%20and%20exciting%20things%20to%20happen.%20A..."

Click'>http://www.colorquiz.com/cgi-bin/results.cgi?do=print_blog&picked1=1,5,4,3,2,7,0,6,7&picked2=5,4,2,7,1,6,3,0,1&sex=f&blog_name=Melissa">Click

here to read the rest of the results.

i have no fucking clue as to what most of it means. Pass it on!

Cheezits and Coffee

2006-02-06T09:23:00.000-08:00

Probably the most disgusting combination on the planet. But unavoidable once your gums are coated in the Cheezits and all you have to wash it down so you can utter a distinguisable sentence is the jet black coffee that some wise ass co-worker labeled "regular" when in fact it was only "decaf".

I haven't updated in awhile because as some funny guy in the last comments wisely pointed out, my huge audience base is him and some spammer.

I'm writing for just the spammer now.

Mostly, the problem stems from having absolutely nothing to write about. It's like I have changed the saying "It's nothing to write home about" to "It's nothing to blog about". Everything I experience, say, see, did, taste, land on...has already been said or done.

So go read some of my favorites. Except I just realized I haven't figured out how to post those on my page. Well. Someday, you'll really enjoy those favorites.

Feh.

Circle K Conundrum

2006-01-12T07:26:00.000-08:00

Can someone please tell me why, when there are over 400 Circle K's in a one mile radius, I am always stuck standing in line? No matter what fucking time of day, there is a line.

And why, for the love of God, is the line always full of the dregs of society?

And why, furthermore, is the cashier always the kind of person that feels it is necessary to make chit chat?

Just give me my fucking smokes and my change so I can leave pal.

Alright already

2006-01-06T07:51:00.000-08:00

Geez. Try to take and break and get nothing but flak I tell ya.

Life has been busy. I am starting my last two classes for my degree, thankfuckingchrist, taking another class for Serbo-croatian, because frankly, I'm fucking sick and tired of sitting at parties with the BoyToy and not understanding half of what is being said.

In addition, I'm super busy at work with a bunch of high and mighty financial crap, which was fun at first, but which I now find to be just like work. Fun is out the window.

And most importantly, my mother received her car accident settlement and gave me $5K, during the same week my father gave me $7K out of sheer guilt for being a crappy father. So I've been busy spending money. You can see how I simply don't have the time to update.

Nor nothing particulary interesting to write about. I had hoped to post a wedding announcement after New Years because I gave the Boyfriend a 2 year limit to make a committment. Secretly of course. I could see how giving him an ultimatum would not work in my favor. Truth is, I'm torn about getting married, but 2 years is 2 years.

Shit or get off the pot as my pappy used to say.

What else? Um...I've decided to not eat fruit anymore. I dunno why really, just seems like a good idea.

Fucking A

2006-01-04T13:58:00.000-08:00

Sorry. Will update tomorrow. Honest.

Until then...enjoy this: http://the-op.com/saveourbluths/

Not Just For Kids

2005-12-02T09:06:00.000-08:00

I totally have this.

http://articles.health.msn.com/id/100110844

At least I think so. I didn't finish the article...

ANDRIA ROCKS IT HARD!

2005-11-17T07:26:00.000-08:00

LOOK AT THIS!

That's him!!!! How weird to have a face blazed into your memory from childhood and then find years later that it was exactly how you remember it. I can't tell you how many memories I have of laying in front of the TV on Saturdays and watching this guy introduce old movies (my favorite always being the "Road To..." movies, Road to Moracco) and then playing Popeye cartoons between the movies. Weird...

Many many many thanks to the closest thing to a twin I've ever had in terms of likes and dislikes. She has saved my sanity by finding this guy. I was beginning to think I was just creating a memory. Wouldn't be the first time.

Many thanks to Kristin Tracy

2005-11-16T10:32:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already, head over to her site immediately. I've enjoyed reading her immensely, but it was not until I finally received my 2K5 Fall Mix of rump shaking music CD that I really began to like her as a person rather than just some crazy on the East Coast.

This post is simply to tell you how unbelievable cool it was to open the mailbox and see that not only had that damn collection agency finally stopped fucking bothering me, but that I also had music to listen to in evening.

Go visit, she rocks it like it's 1999.

Men Are Stupid

2005-11-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

I’ll admit I was angry that I hadn’t won the vote. But then, rather than taking it out on all, if any, readers, I decided to go ahead with my promise. I will argue against this guy at least twice a week. Which shouldn’t be difficult considering he constantly posts his opinions, which I usually agree with but, thankfully, not always. So let’s start with today’s: Women are Perverted.

How to begin? Well. Does anyone else think the title of this post is stupid? Because it is. It's a statement that has no merit and is simply a reflection of my own opinion, which sad as it is, does not make it fact. I wish it were that simple. I think men are stupid, therefore, it must be true! I think women are perverted, therefore, my word is law! I think Hilary Clinton has a tight ass! And so on.

Clearly the woman featured in this week's "What the fuck are people thinking?" does have serious mental issues. However, not because she’s sleeping with a “greasy adolescent”. That label is more of a discovery of one’s self point of view than of any actual knowledge of 15 year old boys. Sorry, but it’s true. There were, are, and will be many hot 15 year old guys. I was 15 once, and always found someone who I had the hots for in school. There was no lack of school girl crushes here. But again, this proves nothing about her mental issues. There are just as many grown women sleeping with grown men who are “greasy adolescents”.

Her mental issues stem from the same place a man’s does when he is caught sleeping with a 15 year old girl. What? Are you telling me that every 15 year old girl is hot? And therefore it’s more reasonable to think he’s just a pervert? No, I don’t think so. For whatever reason that I thankfully don’t understand, these people, both men and women, find it okay to sleep with someone who is still in their adolescence, who still have not developed mentally or physically.

To claim that people’s views vary depending on it being a man or a woman who has committed the crime is just plain silly. And if there are in fact people who have those varying opinions, shame on you. You’re just being silly.

I will agree that most people don’t expect women to do bad or “dirty” things. Although, I can’t for the life of me understand why. Perhaps it’s because men get caught more? Perhaps it’s because women in Utah don’t have several wives at one time? Perhaps it’s because you big ol’ men just keep us in line better? Whatever. All I know is, for all the male teachers who have gotten caught with one of their students, I’ve read about as many women who have as well. I even read one where the female teacher hit on a female student. You can read it here.

Surely "mental issues" applies here as well.

Well, let me just say this: If you think that it’s unfair that when men get caught it’s considered “perverted” and when women get caught it’s just being “naughty”, perhaps you’re the one who has the varying opinion. Perhaps you alone think that. 'Cause I sure as hell don’t. In fact, it never even occurred to me that other people do.

Also, I’m not even commenting on the whole “women are better liars”. Except to say that that is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever read. Seriously. Like, I had to go get some water, cause my throat was closing after trying to choke that shit down. Please.

GO VOTE

2005-11-02T13:14:00.000-08:00

I seriously miss Diaryland, and never thought I would.

I kindly ask that you go vote for me at http://incredipedro.com/ so that I can update in peace everyday.

Plus, it will bug the shit out of Pete if I dedicate one entry a week to saying the opposite of whatever he says.

Oh Shit.

2005-10-31T09:44:00.000-08:00

Wow. Sorry about that. Here I was thinking that I had been updating this whole time. Lots has happened! Thought I had been documenting it. Fuck.

Now I can't really remember any of the funny witty things I thought I had already written.

Oh well.

From the last post, I believe I did find my man, a Mr. Tom Hatton, thanks to http://yeahimadork.diaryland.com/ (Andria). However, no matter how hard I try, I have yet to find a picture of Tom to confirm it 100%. So my unfulfilled life goes on.

Anwhooooooo. Know who's really buggin' the shit out of me lately? George W. Yeah. He's really starting to get to me. It was all fine and dandy when I just hated him to be one of the "cool" kids, but now, I just fucking hate that guy.

What else? Um...Saw The Legend of Zorro. Lost a few IQ points, but nothing I couldn't really spare anyways. I highly recommend it for families who want to expose their children to the reality of low expectations of comedy. Two thumbs way up!!

Um...gee. Guess not as much has been happening as I'd thought. Oooh! Almost forgot...I made deviled eggs on Saturday. A shit load. And they were bitchin' good too. Made em' for a party. The SO turned 32 and my celebretory contribution was deviled eggs. Looking back though, probably not the best idea since most of us drank waaaaay too much and stayed up till 4:30am so I imagine eating all those eggs did no one any favors.

And that's about it. How 'bout you?

Help

2005-10-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

If anyone can help me with this...i will be forever grateful.

In the early 80's or so, I was watching TV (CBS i think) that featured some guy in a sailor hat who did drawings and showed Popeye cartoons. Then after the cartoon, he would introduce a movie (usally an old one or black and white).

For the life of me, I can't find who this guy was. No website yields any help. I am suddenly desperate to find out who I was spending so much of my time with on Saturdays.

Anyone know anything about this....?

I NEARLY CHOKED ON MY COFFEE

2005-10-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

Super!

And here I was looking forward to only 3 more years. Now we'll have to put up a Bush Ass Kisser long after he's gone.

My Falling Asleep Pattern

2005-09-29T12:00:00.000-07:00

A random snipit of what goes through my head before falling gently to sleep, a receipe if you will, that must be followed:

1. Collect ingredients and begin to ponder about them.

What should I wear tomorrow? Do those pants still fit? I don't think they fit anymore. Of course they fit. Are you arguing with yourself right now? I need some water. Did I buy water? I don't think I bought any water. I wonder how long it takes exactly for water to turn into ice. Has anyone ever meaured this? Who has that kind of time? What's the boyfriend up to right now? Is he sleeping? These sheets smell like they need a washing. I hate laundry. I need new black shoes. I only have 32 pairs, and I need another pair dammit. I hate money. I hate that I need money. What's with bees? Is there something in my sheets right now? It feels like there's something crawling...oh, it's only Pookie. He's such a weird cat. I should update my diary more. I have nothing profound to say though. I should just write my train of thoughts before I go to bed. Why does it take me an hour to fall asleep? I just heard something...no, guess not. I like living alone, just not at night. That toothpaste I bought sucks ass. It tastes like an orange Halls cough drop. Gross. Okay, think of a blank sheet of paper. Clear your mind, just settle into peace. Blank sheet, blank sheet, blank sheet, blank sheet, this is fucking lame. I should just read or something. What time is it...fuck, it's already 11pm. I need to shave...

2. Continue this for another 30 minutes.

3. Shake and pour.

4. Fall into sleep.

My Grandmother

2005-09-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

Laughlin was as good as could be. I lost some money, saw plenty of old people, and ate crappy food.

Typical things my grandmother said during the visit:

Me: You have a can of Lysol in your bathroom. Did the hotel have that or did you bring it?
Grandma: Oh I brought that. You know your grandpa always cleans the toilets in a hotel room.
Me: Really? Is that so?
G: Oh yes. We also put toilet paper down cause you never know how many butts have been on that seat.
Me. Mmhm. And how about how many people have slept and had sex in that bed?
G: *Silence with horrified look*

Grandma: You know that chinaman over there. He's very nice. For a chinaman.
Me: Could you please stop saying "chinaman"?
Grandma: Well that's what he is. He knows that.

Me: So did the doctor give you any special instructions since your stroke?
Grandma: It was not a stroke!!! I just fainted. Everyone faints.
Me: Everyone doesn't faint. And it was a stroke. The doctor said so.
G: Sometimes you really can't believe everything you hear Melissa.

She's crazy.

I'm Glad It Isn't Friday

2005-09-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

Two reasons for this:

A. Last Friday could suck it. I found out that I had a bladder infection, I was overdrawn in my bank account, and that my grandmother had a stroke. All in the span of 30 minutes.

B. This Friday I am forced to go to Laughlin for our yearly family reunion. Because you know, that's where healthy happy families have reunions. In casinos. And because said grandmother above feels she would recover best there. Because you know, going to a casino and getting bleary-eyed is best for stroke recovery.

I am not looking forward to it for a insurmountable amount of reasons. Most of all, they will all be meeting the boyfriend of 2 years for the first time. I refuse to suffer through this weekend alone, so I'm making him go too. Because you know, that's what you do for loved ones. Make them suffer too.

I'm glad it's only Monday.

Mork n' Me

2005-09-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

Today, like any other day, I was running for the elevator in an attempt to make it to work on time. I saw a lady go in before me and assumed she would hold the elevator door open for me. I mean, I wasn't that far behind. And like I said, I even did the polite jog to show that I appreciated her holding the door and didn't want her to wait.

When I reach the door while it was open for that last few seconds, two things happened simultaneously. First, I saw the women had a horrified look that she had been caught closing the doors (she apparently thought I was much further back, or a terribly slow jogger) and second, the only curse word I managed to get out was "Shazbot".

What the fuck is up with that?

When you least expect it

2005-09-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

Joe and Joni have been married for 15 years. They have a 13 year old daughter Ashley. Joe and Joni have not had sex in 11 years. They constantly fight, bicker and snap at each other, in a humoreous way to people around them, but I'm sure not to them. They are both exceedingly overweight, and drink beer as if it were from the fountain of youth. I suppose I would too given the relationship. Their daughter Ashley is spoiled beyond all recognition and a typical 13 year old. Shudder.

They are my mother's friends and I've only met them twice.

The first time was to go borrow some luggage that Joni offered. She was friendly, in a sarcastic way, and I liked her.

The second time was when Joe offered to help move my mom 20 miles into town last year. He was friendly, and surprisingly easy going for someone who hasn't been laid in 11 years.

That was the only time that I've had contact with them.

Every year, Joe and one of his buddies drive to Indio CA to attend some boat races. Ashley and the buddy's daughter were pals and since teenage girls love to spend time with their dads, they tagged along this year.

Joni received a cell phone call from Ashley, being her usual terrible 13 yr old self, while they were on their way up to Indio, and after chatting for a few minutes, passed the phone to her dad, Joe.

Joe and Joni chatted for a few more moments. Probably about nothing important, probably some bickering, probably just the usual.

Thirty minutes later the gasoline for the boats ignited somehow in the van they were in, causing Joe to swerve and go over the edge of the cliff. Joe, his buddy, his daughter, and Ashley, died instantly.

I have not seen Joni and I don't plan to, considering she's my mother's friend and not really mine. I can't help but wonder though if she wishes she could change anything about how she was towards them. They were all awful towards each other, but sometimes one person's attitude change can make all the difference.

I wonder where they are now...and how Joni will sleep at night now wondering why she didn't tell them she loved them on the last phone call.

Go tell someone you love them.

1000 miles in 4 days

2005-09-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

Definitely not the way I wanted to spend my vacation. Which is how all of them turn out, so at least I'm consistent.

I took many photos to illustrate my case in why I will never again take a road trip on a national holiday, along with extensive notes in my own head to help the storytelling.

But alas, you will have to wait. Everyone who knows how lazy I am with photos, raise your hand.

So to tide you over, I give you this tidbit that has nothing to do with my trip:

My birthday eve was on Thursday night and I had my detailed list of THINGS I MUST DO AND THAT CANNOT WAIT and was gung-ho about it and all. I had to:

pack
clean the car
fill up the car
do the dishes
feed the cat
buy groceries for the trip

I walked into my house at 4pm and headed straight for the fridge for my annual Vodka Tonic birthday drink. The evening ended up with me accomplishing the following:

drinking many many many vodka tonics
pulling out and trying on clothes at random
not thinking about the car at all
creating more dirty dishes
feeding the cat
dyed my neighbors hair brown

I fell asleep somewhere around 10pm and woke up to a hangover, another year taken from my life, and a vacation to start. Yip. Eee.

More to come...

What the hell?

2005-09-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

When did I get left behind in the old technology game?

When I was 8, my school was the first to have a computer in all of Southern Los Angeles. I was the first to make it through the entire game of Mario Brothers...twice...without dying once. I had a CD player before anyone knew what the fuck it stood for.

And now...

And now I am trying to keep my head above water in this blogworld.

Some more super condensed info about me other than being a techno geek/God at age 8:

I am turning 31 tomorrow and find this more disturbing than actually turning 30. I've yet to figure out why.
I live in Tucson Arizona where every summer I repeat the same mantra of "I swear to all that is holy, this is my last fucking summer here." So far, it has not been.
I have a deep disdain towards riding elevators with other people on them.
I rarely find pants that fit.
I'm not close to my parents, which is how everyone prefers it.
I am currently dating someone from former Yugoslavia, which baffles me in terms of the language barrier. But oh what fun I have!

Anyways, it was nice to meet you.